I did my bit in the military:
I fixed these things: And, in general, kept Key West safe from Saddam Hussein and excess rum. Now I'll do my part by wearing a festive shirt and watching fake rockets blow up in the Norman sky. And eat food.
And I'll celebrate the death of one of America's most evil products ever: Jesse Helms. For your listening pleasure, here's MC Stephen Hawking's song "Why Won't Jesse Helms Just Hurry Up And Die?" He can't "take that punk bitch Strom Thurmond with" him, because Thurmond's been feeding worms for five years already.
Yep--today America's a better place.