Monday, April 02, 2007

Still Waiting . . .

One reason I haven't been posting here much lately is that there really isn't anything new to say. Some of the specifics have changed, but the situation remains the same. The key factor in all this stagnation is the lack of word from grad schools. We're still waiting for word from the University of Oklahoma and the University of Minnesota Astronomy department. Michele seems to have written off the U of M, but until we hear we don't know for sure. The wait, though, is killing me.


Every time I talk to my mom on the phone she says, "Are you okay? You sound down." And she's right. I am down. Of course I'm down. All I need is a couple of little letters saying "yeah" or "nay," and I can start thinking forward. I can plan a way out of these two soul-deadening jobs I'm working; we can think of places to live where our lives will fit in the building, where we won't trip on something every time we turn around; Michele can stop worrying about feeling like a mooch. (She could stop that anyway, but she won't listen to me). So every day we check the mail, dig through the credit card offers and ads for gutter installation, and find nothing. And I know then that I'll spend another day at work with my mind on a story or an essay, and then I'll come home with my brain in space, and I'll stare at the computer screen until I have to go to the other job, where the rest of my good sense bleeds away until I stumble home, hollow, unable to sleep and too tired to care.


Any day now, things will change.

6 comments:

dchmielewski said...

Last week "The Mountain Top", this week ... let's call it "Not the Mountain Top" and leave it at that.

I have been there with a woman that is feeling "mooch guilt". I believe that people put in the "for richer or for poorer" part in the typical wedding vows for a reason. But, I would probably feel bad about going to school and not making much/any money too. Its natural, and it should always be answered in a way the makes it clear that any relationship is a team effort and its the team that counts. Anything else will stoke the guilt and make for relationship trouble.

BTW, A little bit of mooch guilt is really a good sign, since a lack of it really points to someone lacking independence and self-worth, content to mooch their way through life. It means you got a good one, but you already knew that I am sure ;-)

I hope you can look back at your current quandary and laugh at it over a beer in the no-too-distant future. These things are temporary (soul-deadening and all).

Best of Luck!

Jess said...

I hear you. Boy, do I ever.

Mike said...

Dude man...I hear and feel your pain. The wife being a stay at home mom (a job that is the most important and under paid position in the world) doesn't bring in any dough. I can tell her over and over again that what she does is much harder and more important than anything I do, somehow it isn't enough. I agree with Dave..this marriage stuff kids or no is all about the team dynamic. Let's laugh over a a few beers sooner rather than later.

Good day my friends

Anonymous said...

Think about the good things not just the uncontrollable!! The sun will shine bright one day.

Anonymous said...

Think about the good things not just the uncontrollable!! The sun will shine bright one day.

Diana said...

It really will be okay, guys. As long as there are MLPs, the world will be an okay place. Tell your wife I said so.