Thursday, February 15, 2007

I'm It!

Sure, I drop my guard for ten minutes and Diana tags me. So now I have to actually think about my oddness and select five odd things about me.

1. I can do "the wave" with my eyebrows. It started with my dad, really. He could raise one eyebrow at a time (either one), and he did it to great effect. When he wanted to let me know that the thing that I just said was out of line, up went an eyebrow. The eyebrows had power, and I wanted that power. So I worked at it until I was just as good. Almost. I'll never have the authoritative demeanor my dad had.

Anyway, in the mid-eighties I saw a movie called Once Bitten starring Jim Carrey. In one scene he's goofing around in a department store and he pops up from behind a rack of shirts and does the wave with his eyebrows. I said, "I have to do that." So I worked until I got it right. I can do it in either direction, but right-to-left is easier than left-to-right.

2. Sometimes I'll start breathing in time with music. It happens without me realizing it, and then all of a sudden I'm getting light-headed because I've been breathing sixteenth notes for a whole heavy metal song. It can get irritating.

3. The weekend after I left boot camp I slept 69 out of 72 hours. I don't remember what I did with the other three hours, but I didn't eat all weekend. I just slept.

4. If I notice that I've touched my fingertip to my thumb I have to do the same with the same finger on the other hand. Then I have to do all of the fingers on both hands in synchronicity. This can lead to hours of finger-thumb touching sequences. The same happens if I blink one eye and not the other. I have to do both sides an even number of times, which means I have to blink the other eye (I suppose that's a wink, isn't it?), then both, then each in the opposite order from before, and then both again. If I'm feeling really obsessive I'll do the whole thing in reverse after that. This can go on for a long time.

5. I'm afraid of heights, but not afraid of falling. I'm afraid that I'll be overcome by curiosity about what it feels like to fall and I'll jump on an impulse, only to realize a second too late how dumb that is.

Now that I've done that much damage to my public persona, I'm gonna tag me some people. How about Michele, Mike, Sean, and Matt. Ha!


Jerry said...

All I can say is, OCD!!!!!!!!!!

Diana said...

This might interest you:

Jason said...

I just about choked on my coffee last week when I read Slayer won a Grammy. It's too bad they couldn't have done that at their peak (late 80s, early 90s), but back then the Grammy people were handing out heavy metal awards to Jethro Tull. Huh?

Pretty wild to imagine that band inspiring a mainstream newspaper to write a respectful article about them. Nice to see, from my perspective.

Mike said...

OCD....OCD you say? Bully...I say bully...jolly good show there!

dchmielewski said...


OK, I am going to respond to Mike's post here, for reasons that I will indicate below.

Mike, I read your blog Biotch! I just don't post to it because you don't allow anonymous/other posters and I have no use for a Blogger account.

Kim can probably come up with 100 odd things about me for this, but I will hit five solid Oddities (it sounds so much better than annoyances).

1. The palm of my hand (from wrist to middle finger)is considerably longer (11 cm) than the corresponding middle finger (8 cm). It doesn't seem like much, but usually your palm and longest finger are much closer in length. No remarks necessary about the evolutionary function of the large palms.

2. Small lips but relatively large tongue (no Gene Simmons but definitely a mouthful). You make the call!!

3. Except for sleeping, I am never completely still. When standing still I am moving, my legs, a foot, something (usually to the soundtrack of songs playing in my head).

4. Navel lint. I am sure that many others have it, but I think that the consistency and variety of my harvest is probably at least odd, if not exceptional. Gotta go with your strengths.

5. I only ever have one clear nostril in my nose at one time (never both at the same time). I can't remember when I first noticed this, but it is as long as I can remember. With a schnoz my size you would not think would be an issue, but it is true. This can be a real problem for someone that is a nose-breather when they sleep at night.

Anyway, this is my 5. There are more, but I will spare myself the embarrassment.

Jason, if you want to post this to "Trout"'s site, that would be fine, otherwise send him over here for his ransom. No one else to tag, end of the line for this train.


Jason said...


Your oddness involves a lot of . . . substances. Well, not a lot, but two.

You realize that if people who have never seen you read that they'll imagine a big-nosed, no-lipped, tongue-wagging, linty, snotty weirdo. With big palms.


dchmielewski said...

If only I had a flattering photo of myself to post, everyone could be enlightened. Fortunately, according to Mike, no one actually reads these anyways. But just in case, I suggest that he not include "Founder of Jackamania" on his resume the next time that he applies for a job, especially if he might have a female supervisor in the case of Rule #4.

Jason said...

My readership includes enough people (at least seven) that you could really disseminate your image. Of course, five of those seven know you on a first-name basis, so what's to be gained?