Thursday, January 11, 2007

Hitler's Big Lie Becomes a Jedi Mind Trick

I hardly know where to begin. Dubya must be trying really hard to keep moving so consistently in the direction opposite the rest of the country. After every decision he's made has blown up in his face he still has the ability to make predictions:

The consequences of failure are clear: Radical Islamic extremists would grow in strength and gain new recruits. They would be in a better position to topple moderate governments, create chaos in the region and use oil revenues to fund their ambitions. Iran would be emboldened in its pursuit of nuclear weapons. Our enemies would have a safe haven from which to plan and launch attacks on the American people.

There are, of course, a few problems here. Such as the sad fact that Dubya's actions have enabled "Radical Islamic extremists" to recruit virtually everybody in the Muslim world. Citizens of our "ally," Saudi Arabia, have been using oil money to fund al Qaeda since its inception. Iran doesn't show any shyness about pursuing nuclear weapons as it is, and those fighting in Iraq seem to be pretty intent on fighting in Iraq. Another Bush attempt to conflate the Disaster in Iraq with the War on Tara (and what did Scarlett O'Hara have to do with all of this, anyway?).
Maybe the real problem is that it doesn't blow up in his face. It blows up in soldiers' faces. And arms, and legs, and heads. This is like fiction to him. There is Good and Evil, and he knows which is which, and how Good will "win." It's fantasy.

Whenever Dubya gives a speech it appears to me like he's using the force to convince the television audience. This:

Yet, over time, we can expect to see Iraqi troops chasing down murderers, fewer brazen acts of terror, and growing trust and cooperation from Baghdad's residents.
When this happens, daily life will improve, Iraqis will gain confidence in their leaders, and the government will have the breathing space it needs to make progress in other critical areas.

. . . seems a lot like this:

These are not the droids you're looking for.

Maybe this is the wrong Empire, though. Instead of Darth Vader, maybe the analogue is Nero. Rome is burning. Hand that man a fiddle.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

I know, I know.

I know.

It's insane.

d chmielewski said...

Coming to a Theatre near you

"Star Wars 2008: Can We Please have the Death Star back"

Here is a previow of what we can expect before November 2008:

1. The decider in Chief sends his 25000 troops because he can, and no one can stop him. I believe his middle initial is actually not Dubya but Double-U (for Unfailingly Unilateral).

2. These turn out to be just few enough troops, for just short enough time, way the hell too late, to actually be effective in any way, shape or form. An extra 100000 troops 3 years ago would have been a great idea. 1/4 as much 36 months too late is like pissing in the wind, it just leaves you with the fine small of urea on your clothing.

3. The Dems in the Senate (and select Republicans that want his job and reasonably want to distance their asses from his) will complain about the President's strategy, but not do anything meaningful about it because:
a. The really cant
b. It they do, they get slapped with the "not supporting the troops" label

4. Here is the rhetoric from all the presidential candidates on this issue:

Obama: I am so inexperienced that I wasn't even around to vote for/against this war, but I said I was against it from the beginning and would not have voted for it. But I am now powerless to do anything about it. Vote for me in 2008.

I actaully like Obama, by the way, but he's not really kicking ass on this issue in my mind.

Hillary: Focus groups indicate that I need to walk the line between candy-ass dove and hard-ass bitch. So I am going to talk tough on Iraq but do nothing of substance. Knowing that I can't stop the Great Divider (I mean Decider) from taking a dump in Iraq, stepping in it and tracking it all over the neighborhood. I will be the Pooper Scooper for 2008. Actually Bill will scoop the poop, we all know that its the guys that clean the cat box.

Edwards: I bailed out of the Senate running for VP with Kerry, so I get to complain about how the Senate is doing nothing to stop this and what I would be doing if I was still there. Oh, did I mention that I voted for the war to start with? Lets call it a momentary lapse of judgment. Won't happen again.

McCain: We shoulda done this 3 years ago, and now I am stuck with this shithole of a policy, even if I can win the nomination/election. That 5 year stay in the Hanoi Hilton is looking better every moment.

Guiliani: Can I get meatballs with this shit sandwich.

Brownback: Who in Sam hell is this guy?

Hagel: Time to break ranks with the Reps and make a name for myself. If I say what people really think, I will get my soundbite on every newsshow for the next month. I will just keep repeating the same thing with different words, and define myself as the real McCain (I mean McCoy).

5. Sometime before the beginning of 2008 we start drawing down from the surge and we are down to at 50000 troops max in Iraq. Even The Decider knows that the Reps cant go into the 2008 election without drawing down troops.

Last but not least. The place where 25000 troops would make a huge difference (Afghanistan) falls to the Taliban in 2010, due to sheer neglect and lack of political will from western governments. Even the Russians hung on longer than this.

This preview has been rated I for Idiocy.

Jason said...

Yeah, it's a hell of a position we're in. No good way out of it, and you have to wonder if staying does anyone any good.

Very thorough analysis, as far as the candidates will let us see what they think. I think in 2008 I'm voting for myself.

There used to be this guy named Osama . . . wonder what happened with him.

d chmielewski said...

I believe that Osama has formed an exploratory committee to run on the Jihad Party ticket (I think he has the nomination locked up unless an AC-130 gunship punches his ticket prematurely). A real grassroots organization I hear. He has some catchy slogans however. My favorites are "Facial hair long enough to cover your unholy parts is next to godliness", "Bleed like a stuck pig, blasphemous infidel" and "Osama fo' yo' Imama"(Kind of like the modern day Jihadist equivalent of "I Like Ike"). At least the guy has a well defined platform and you know where he stands on the issues. Then again, I guess the same holds true for Dubya, and look where that got us. Maybe its time for a good old fashioned Moderate, huh?