The Perfect Storm

I'm liable to be out of commission, blog-wise, for the next few days, as I've been struck by several grading obligations all at once. A round of essays for my two Comp sections will eat up most of my time, and what that doesn't claim will go to grading Logic quizzes and weekly homework, some extra credit, making lesson plans for the week, and creating a Unit Test on categorical logic.

This semester is tough, even though I only have three sections. Since my Comp textbook and syllabus were chosen for me, and since I've never taught Logic before, I have to make all of my materials from scratch. Next semester should be easier, because even though I'll change a few things I'll at least have my lecture notes on hand from this time around.

So I hope to be back in communication soon. If I'm not back in five minutes . . . just wait longer.

The Taser Situation--An Analogy

Here's how I see Andrew Meyer's behavior in the University of Florida tasering incident. This doesn't take into account Meyer's possible behavior before the video I've seen (so the question of how he got to the microphone, and his behavior prior to his "questions" aren't part of the analogy, though I still think that behavior is critical to understanding the police reaction), and it does involve some speculation. And it involves a bit of humor (I hope). Let me know where I may be straying from the situation in this analogy.

Say you’re a customer at Target. You’ve bought a widget, and the damned widget doesn’t widge. So now you go to Target to return or exchange your widget, because you still have a bunch of widging that needs to be done and you can't widge with the widget you've bought.

Unfortunately, it’s after work, and you had to work late today. You don’t get to Target until eight and they close at nine (I don’t know if that’s the case—I’m pretending). When you walk inside you see that the line at the return counter is ridiculously long. Like the day after Christmas, it seems everyone and his brother needs to return something.

Shit.

So you get in line and you watch the line shorten much more slowly than you’d like, while your watch seems to have found a turbo gear. You’re getting antsy that you’re not going to get to return your widget before they close. A woman tries to return a thingamajig that she bought at Wal-Mart, and it’s kind of like the thingamajig Target sells, and she can’t understand why the woman behind the counter won’t just take it. Another guy can’t find his receipt, and he’s holding up the line while he searches for it. Another old couple—so old their oxygen tanks need oxygen tanks—struggle to understand the situation the customer service peon is presenting them with. This is all ridiculous. You could be in and out of here quick as hell if it weren’t for all of these cretins.

Then, finally, you’re second in line. Almost your turn.

And the woman at the counter says, “Sorry, we’re closed. Come back tomorrow.”

Maybe you understand on some level that the store needs to close at a specific time. Maybe you vaguely understand that you just came up unlucky, that you’ll have to come back another day.
But maybe you want them to bend the rules for you. You say, “I’ve been standing in this line for an hour. You’re here to take returns, and I have a right to have my widget returned.”

And while it's true they had been there to take returns, they no longer are. But the woman behind the counter takes pity on you and says, “Okay, come on,”—the customer ahead of you just left when they said the store was closing, and there aren't any other customers around—“I’ll return your widget.”

So you walk up to the counter, and instead of handing the woman your widget, you say, “I’m going to preface my return, and then I’ll offer you my widget for returning.” The woman is irritated, but she doesn’t shut you off, even though she’d be within company policy to do so. So you start by endorsing a book you read, and then you offer some opinions on the rankings of investigative journalists in America. And then, rather than handing the woman your widget, you start shoving all kinds of products onto the counter. A whatchamacallit, a thingamajig, a gewgaw, and you’re reaching for more.

At this point the security guard grabs you by the arm. “You need to leave now.”

But you haven’t even gotten to your widget. Damn. You push the security guard away and try to continue your return, but the security guard grabs you again. You break away. Now there are three security guards around you, and you’re screwed. You’re leaving, whether you want to or not. But you have a right to return your widget! The company’s policy says so! Your rights as a consumer are being violated!

And you continue to thrash and resist. The security guards try to keep you immobilized, but you won't stop thrashing.

"Don't tase me, bro," you say.

You know if you stop struggling you won't get hit with the TASER, but for some reason you decide to keep struggling. You keep it up until they handcuff you and taser you.

My point is this: Meyer was acting within a context. Shouting "free speech" and "civil rights" without context is like saying Jeffrey Dahmer was an inventive chef. We already know the cliché exceptions to the right of free speech, like yelling "fire" in a crowded theater, so there's no point covering that. Free speech isn't absolute or universal. I would argue that it's situational beyond those hard boundaries as well. Sometimes, no matter how much you want to yap, you need to shut up. Not because you're wrong, but because you're in the wrong situation.

In another post I'll discuss what I see as the differences between Meyer's tasering and the Kent State shootings.

The Humans are Dead

So I'm doing my usual daily tour of my friends' blogs, and I decide to stop by Jared's, even though he hadn't updated, to my knowledge, in a couple months. And I saw that he'd linked a video, one that he considered the offspring (in a loose sense) to Tenacious D, who he considered offspring (in a less-loose sense) to Spinal Tap.

I love Spinal Tap.

I hate Tenacious D.

I think these guys are hysterical. Because they can perform in many styles, sing like robots, and entertain me. They are teh funnay, as they'd say on FARK.

So here they are, the Flight of the Conchords:



Laugh, dead human!

Everybody's an Expert.

Even me.

Today we have national “hero” Andrew Meyer. Yeah, the Florida college student who got himself tasered by the police after a John Kerry speech. I have problems with the reactions from either side of this one. The conservatives predictably paint the kid as a nuisance, as a life-long prankster who staged the whole thing and deserved everything he got. Others say he’s blameless, that he’s completely within his rights and the police should be prosecuted for assaulting Meyer and for violating his civil rights. There’s enough blame to go around, and as far as I’m concerned, it looks like everyone involved deserves some.

First of all, even on the first viewing of the video my impression was that Andrew Meyer was a douchebag. I’ll say right now that douchebaggery is not a taserable offense, as far as I know, or as far as I’m concerned. This kid was taking time at a question-and-answer session with a U.S. Senator to promote ideas, not ask a question. He was unnecessarily confrontational according to some reports, he bulled his way to the front of the line by others, and he didn’t ask a question—he asked a series of questions, prefaced by his endorsement of a book. Of course, accounts differ.

I’ve looked at a lot of the videos on YouTube, and they all seem to start with one of two events: Meyer thanking Kerry for coming to speak with them, or Meyer getting prodded down the aisle by the police. Unsurprisingly, those who display the first version support Meyer, and those displaying the second either denounce him or mock him. What I wanted to see, and what I never found, was video of the moments leading up to Meyer getting the microphone.

This passage from Michelle Malkin's blog is interesting, but since she’s a neocon psychopath, there’s no way to know if it’s even grounded in reality:

Senator Kerry was answering questions during the “question and answer stage” of his presentation when the audience was told there would only be one question left to be answered. After the question was answered, Senator Kerry stated the question and answer was over and thanked the audience for asking their questions. The approximate number of people in line asking questions was about 20, and Senator Kerry answered about 8 questions. All of the people standing in line started to dissipate and either sat back down or started to leave. As Senator Kerry was ending his speech, a man disrupted the senator by screaming, yelling, and flailing his arms. The man moved his way down the aisle yelling, “Why don’t you answer my questions, I have been waiting and listening to you speak in circles for the last two hours.”

"These officers are going to arrest me”. I didn’t see any officer directly next to him until I noticed Officer Wise walking down trying to get his attention. The man was screaming and yelling obscenities until Senator Kerry told him to calm down and that he would take his question, but he needed to calm down. At that point, the man stated, “You will take my question because I have been listening to your crap for two hours”.

And then this account by another blogger, which I also can’t confirm:

However, while Senator Kerry was responding to a student’s question, all of a sudden Meyer rushed to the microphone with cops in pursuit. At that point no one knew what was going on. Could he have a gun, a bomb? Immediately, Meyer began yelling into the microphone that he had been waiting in line forever and that Senator Kerry should “spend time to answer everyone’s questions!” Senator Kerry tried to calm the student down by telling him that he would “stay here as long as it takes to get the questions answered.”

And the Miami Herald has yet another take on the events:

The person in front of Meyer was told he would be the last person to speak, Orlando said. Meyer said he was upset with that, so Kerry gave him the OK. When he took the mike, Meyer then asked Kerry several questions.

And then the sports fan community has to have its semiliterate say as well:

The Gainesville police handled this kid as well as the Vols handled the Gators offense on Saturday. This is all over the news, but just in case you hadn't seen this mess, here you go.

Granted this kid was a nuisance, but why have a forum when you can't ask questions, whether they be poor or not? And while Andrew Meyer needed to be subdued somehow, I hardly think a taser was necessary. The guy was hardly capable of bodily harm to anyone other than himself.

Go Gators!

So did he disrupt the proceedings even before he got to the microphone? And if Kerry gave him the go-ahead does it even matter? And if he spewed three or four questions rather than the one question any normal person may have been satisfied with, does that mean he should take the juice? I'd like to see earlier video if any exists. There are a lot of questions here, and too many people talk like they have the definitive take. Like these conservative knuckleheads:

He talked tough at the microphone set up for questions, but once he went on for too long, the mic was shut off and he was told to hit the bricks. Instead he threw a fit like a ten year old and that's when Campus cops stepped in.

and

Meyer wants to know why he can't continue to disrupt the meeting and continues to scream why am I being arrested? Sounding like a charter member of the tin foil hat crowd he tells cops that "people know I'm here," as he believes he is likely headed for let's say Guantanamo.

Honestly, every video I’ve seen has the police behind him as he starts talking. Is there a sinister plot? Or did he cause trouble even before he got to the microphone? Is he just causing trouble? Is he a patriot? Why are those police already there? Did John Kerry give them a message via telepathy?

I can’t pretend to know. I can’t imagine why anyone at this point is drawing conclusions. I can’t imagine Meyer is any more frustrated than I am about the war in Iraq, or the results of the last two elections, or Kerry’s quick surrender. I can't imagine anyone is. I'm not saying Meyer was wrong to do what he did, but if he did that not knowing what the possibilities were, he was terribly naive. Which also isn't a crime, punishable by taser or any other type of pain-causing device.

No matter how it started, if Meyer thought he could push cops and not get subdued, if he thought he could continue to resist while being escorted out without the cops finishing the job, he’s a moron. If he realized what the outcome would be and he took the taser on principle, then good for him. I know cops. I know the ones I know don’t like to hit people with that jolt, because in training they have to take it themselves.

But cops make mistakes, too. I’d hate to think that, even if this was handled poorly, that the police are made out to be—what, the Gestapo? Bush’s stooges? Kerry’s underlings who are trying to keep Kerry’s secret-society ties to Bush secret? Ugh.

I’ve even seen this mentioned with Kent State as a rallying cry. If it is, and if people decide this will motivate them to make change, then great. I’m urging that change myself. I welcome it. But really, a jackass in Florida riding the lightning for a few seconds is nowhere near four dead in Ohio. Nowhere near.

End of rant. For now.

Update

A. I seem to be doing fine without meat. This is unexpected, because I'm a life-long carnivore. But here I am, thirty-five days in and twenty pounds down. I can't say I don't drool a little when I see a Wendy's commercial, but I haven't felt the need to break the program.

B. Teaching is fun, even if today I had the second confrontation in three weeks with a student who has no idea how the power is distributed in the educational system.

C. Tom Maltman's book is good. Even if you don't know him, it should be a good read. I'm transported, and I don't say that lightly.

Cringing, But Laughing

Minnesota Twins fans loved A.J. Pierzynski for years, because he was a great defensive catcher and a decent hitter. Plus he always pissed off the opposing team and made them insane. That was great while he was a Twin. Then the Twins traded him away, getting three great prospects from the San Fransisco Giants. Then the Giants hated him, so they sent him to the Chicago White Sox.

Ever since he's been in Chicago, Pierzynski has had his chances to piss off the Twins. But apparently he saves his most damaging acts for his own team. Like this, that I read on ESPN's website this afternoon:

Three years ago in spring training, Pierzynski took a pitch to the groin. Trainer Stan Conte rushed out and asked how he felt. "Like this!" Pierzynski said, right before he kneed Conte in the family jewels.

Now that cracks me up. Raises the gorge in my throat, too, but I can't stop laughing.

Color me sick.

Poll Results

The final tally for the poll has been laboriously counted. Here are the results:

Stoned 2 votes
Scary 1 vote
Studly 1 vote
Stoned and Scary 9 votes
Like a Ballerina 5 votes

The poll was supposed to have several more options, like "Stoned and Scary Ballerina" and such, but Blogger apparently only wants five choices.

Since it's been made clear that my picture has disturbed people--through this poll, phone calls, comments on Jess's blog, and international boycotts--I'm changing the picture. I hope this one is better.

Not Happy With Me

I don't like to be negative, regardless of what the title of this blog might lead you to believe. But I recognize that I tend toward the snarky remark, the wisecrack, the offensive take. I'm just not happy with my recent frame of mind.

I mentioned this the other morning and Michele said, "You realize you do this every three months."

"Huh?" I said. Mostly because I didn't hear her, but partly, I'm sure, because I was being negative about something else already.

"You always say you're too negative," she said, "and then you're upbeat for a while, and then you get negative again."

And she's right. I don't know what causes this. I know I don't like it, though. What I do know is that I don't want it to continue.

Like the "not eating meat" thing. I'm trying. Ugh.

This Shames Me

I've never been good with state capitals. I was never able to muster much interest in it when I was in school, didn't understand why I'd even want to know. Would I be standing in Sioux Falls, South Dakota and be asked what the capital of South Dakota is? And if I were, would my answer, wrong or right, matter?

But it isn't difficult. I should be able to remember fifty facts. Honestly. This sucks.

You are 65% Knowledgable regarding US State Capitals!

Fair. You got a lot right, but you got some wrong as well. I hope this encourages you to look at a list of states and their capitals, and brush up on the ones you don't know.

Do You Know Your State Capitals?
Make a Quiz

I need to learnify myself some state capitals.

And . . . Three

They always go in threes, don't they?

A Tenor, an author, and an actor. Can't say I'm a huge fan of any of their work--but they were all well-known and well-liked. I'm reminded of a recording I heard of Luciano Pavarotti singing along with the Sepultura song "Roots Bloody Roots." You really haven't lived until you've heard the death/thrash metal and opera hybrid.

Actually, yes you have. It's terrible.

EDIT: But just in case you're curious, here it is:

Someone must have just cut in video footage of Pavarotti singing something else when his part comes in, and it's kind of cheesy. But really, the whole thing is insane. Especially in the end, when Max Cavalera--Sepultura's Brazilian vocalist--imitates Pavarotti.

More satisfying: Pavarotti and James Brown:



It fits better. After all--it's the Godfather of Soul. And the . . . most famous Tenor.

In Withdrawal

I have to tell you. I'm not coping well with the health-induced hiatus of The Order of the Stick's artist/writer/creator/supplier/fix Rich Burlew. I need my OOTS. Otherwise Hulk angry. Hulk smash.

Or, Roy smash.

If you're an RPG geek, this strip will keep you clicking for way too long.

Like a marathon session of Evercrack in that first year, after they realized what kind of traffic they were going to have and you didn't sit waiting to log on for six hours at a time.

Not that I ever did that.

Guess Which File This Goes In

From a student's in-class writing from Thursday:

"There was a huge traylur that I had to pull behind the tractor."

"What's the problem with that?" Cletus and Durnell want to know.

This is not a dumb student. This student's speech is articulate, and all assignments so far indicate that this student is capable of college-level work. It has to be that this student hasn't read much. And apparently got no help to this point in working out some dramatic spelling issues.

Here I come to save the day.

Check Out My Poll

To your right, beneath my personal info, lies a new poll. You may answer as harshly as you see fit.

Grr.

Well, here's another quiz. This one I found on MySpace, as I looked in on a guy named Clint Benesh. I'm curious if we're related, and, if we are, just how distantly. But the quiz is funny.


You are Hulk

Hulk 90% Spider-Man 80% Green Lantern 75% Iron Man 70% Superman 65% Robin 55% The Flash 50% Catwoman 50% Supergirl 40% Wonder Woman 30% Batman 10%

You are a wanderer with amazing strength.

Click here to take the Superhero Personality Test
Hulk smash.

Bringing the Hammer Down

I feel like I'm a pretty easy guy to get along with. My sense of humor is such that if someone attempts a joke I'm likely to chuckle out of anticipated humor. I spend my time hoping that everyone hopes the best for everyone. I imagine that nobody acts consciously to complicate anyone else's life. I'm probably wrong, but I like to treat adults like adults.

And then today happened, and reminded me that most Americans are still infants.

I looked to the back row of my 11:00 Comp class today, and there is one of my students with a white ear-bud in his ear. Clearly, he's listening to an iPod. Right then I want him incinerated, but I just give him a frown and a head-shake. I figured he'd take a hint.

Not so much.

When I looked back in his direction, I saw him leaning back against the wall, his eyes slitted, and he's singing along with the music.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" I said.

The class paused, suspended for a moment from listening to Victoria's reading of her memory from before she was ten years old.

Student popped his eyes like I'd just caught him in the shower with my daughter and he yanked the earphone from his head. I think I lost it, but not as much as I should have.

"Get that shit out of your ear," I said. "Use some damn sense."

We went on with the lesson, and the student in question kept his head low for the rest of the class. I regretted for a moment using that kind of language, but I can't be too uptight about it. If I'm going to spend my time preparing a lecture, a lesson plan, and homework, I'm sure as hell not going to let some halfwit derail the whole enterprise because he'd rather listen to music.

He's welcome to listen to music. In my class, even, if that's what we're doing.

I'm still too pissed. I should just shut up.

Another One Bites the Dust

I consider it a flaw in my character that the first thought I had after reading the headline about the death of Ohio Congressman Paul Gillmor was, "Oh, shit. I hope it was a Republican."

Not like I wish anyone dead, but if someone has to die it might as well be one of the evil ones, right?

Right?

MY BRAIN HURTS!

Our friend Jim has started a blog. He has also linked to a video that I think everyone on the planet should watch at least once, just so they can come to grips with the fact that they don't know anything.

And by "they," I include me.

Here's the post with the video. Post with the video.

I've labeled him "Buckaroo Banzai Plus Two" on my sidebar. Look up "Buckaroo Banzai" on IMDB and you'll get it.

If you already get it, I'm sorry. Seriously sorry.

New Feature

I've added a "widget" to my sidebar that tracks casualties in Iraq. The Washington Post keeps it current, so I'm sure it's part of some vast left-wing conspiracy.

For which I'd like to sign up. Anyone know where I can do that?

Some Random Thoughts

1. Other than a barbecue sandwich I had two and a half weeks ago, I haven’t eaten meat (other than fish or shrimp) in twenty-one days. In those three weeks I’ve lost fifteen pounds.
2. Football is huge in Norman. Saturday was the first home game of the season (first game overall, too), and traffic was clogged up for a mile around campus three hours before kickoff. We’ll be staying home on game day from here on out. (And whoever created that website needs to review the spelling of "memorial.")
3. Pandora has been educational, at least in that it teaches me about me. What I’ve found is that “pretty” music bores me more often than not. While I can admire piano ballads and folk tunes, I need some dynamic element to keep my interest, whether that’s Tom Waits’s growly voice and quirky lyrics or the backbeat tension of a John Lee Hooker. Most often I’ll settle for a driving drum beat and rampaging bank of distorted guitars, but Tori Amos makes me want to drown myself.
4. If you can stand the heat, Oklahoma’s weather is almost uniformly beautiful. Except for the odd flash flood that washes out roads and kills half a dozen people. But they have that in Minnesota, too.
5. Whenever I read John Gardner’s The Art of Fiction I am both elated and despondent. Elated because I become convinced I’ve just discovered what my current (novel/short story/essay/ screenplay) is lacking, and despondent because my discovery means that all of my work to that point is preparation.

Who Stole My Face?

Why do I do this to myself? And I even signed up for this abuse, and now I'm posting it for further abuse.



Apparently, I look old. And baldish. But Eleanor Roosevelt? She may be the fugliest person to live in the twentieth century. Other than Brian Peppers.

Here's a version that provides a more complete view:

http://www.myheritage.com

Thanks, Diana, for bringing this to my attention.

Edit: Here's another collage.


Strange--the first guy is Barry Pepper, and earlier I linked to a picture of Brian Peppers. And I'm doing yet another collage instead of writing my novel (only about 500 words so far today), and my protagonist is named Alex Pepper.

Cue Rod Serling.

Also, I seem to look like a lot of old men and soccer players. I don't know what that means.

And the hidden face in the third collage is Don Adams. Yes, that's right. Maxwell Smart, Tennessee Tuxedo, and any number of other goofy characters.

That's me.